Movie Review: Marvel’s The Avengers

It’s movie review day here at Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos. Today we’re seeing the movie, The Avengers.

Here’s the trailer:

The Verdict: The Avengers is a good, humorous, entertaining movie, but the first part dragged a bit for me. I know getting them together was important for the plot, and they developed a camaraderie during this portion of the movie that was necessary to defeat evil together, but while this was going on, I found my mind wandering about each super hero and their character traits.

As a writer, I find it important to delve into my characters. To know what they’re like. What kind of candy would they eat? What kind of car would they drive? What’s their favorite food? What color/style underwear do they wear? And how might they behave in bed?

So while they were fighting and getting to know each other, my mind was on Mutant Super Hero Sex.

Iron man:
Smart, hilarious, good-looking, and rich with a huge ego to match. I kinda would be worried that the really tall pointy Stark building he built may really be some strange sort of penis envy/worship. But I don’t know if it would matter. The guy has enough charisma to make up for any, um, shortcomings. He’d pick you up in his Acura NSX Roadster, wine and dine you, make you laugh, and charm you easily into bed. He’s a man that always gets what he wants. Even if that means putting an iron suit on it. 
 
Captain America:
Oh dear, sweet, stuck in the 40’s Captain America. He doesn’t yet realize he could be a total player with a body like that. He’d still believe in either a long courtship or a quick marriage proposal before sex. “I’m going off to war, marry me when I get back,” is probably the pick up line he’d use in a bar. “Do it for your country.” also comes to mind. And with muscles like that, I could overlook the horrible hairstyle. In fact, it’d be fun to see how it looked all messed up. He’s used to fighting off attacks, so it would take some subtly to get him into bed. Like instead of dropping your lace hankie, you might try dropping your lace panties. And then, he would do some strategic attacks of his own. 
 
Thor:
Although equal on the hotness scale compared to Boy Scout Captain America, Thor would win the bedroom competition. And honestly, it was the way he swung his hammer while only wearing his cape that started this whole thought process/fantasy. Imagine living in a very remote location with Thor. Watching him outside your window swinging his hammer, or maybe an axe for firewood. He’d come back in the cabin after all that work having barely broken a sweat, but you wouldn’t be needing a warm fire anymore. You’d drag him off to the bedroom where things would be hot. I’m talking meteors burning through the atmosphere hot. And you’d be very happy that with Thor around, lightning can strike the same spot more than once. (A note to movie costume designers: Someone like Thor should NEVER be forced into a super hero costume involving a shirt. Some tights, a cape, and maybe a mask, and we’re all good.) 
 
Hawkeye:
Super sexy when he was a bad guy with those cool blue eyes. A little scary though to think about going to bed with a guy with that good of vision. It’d be like appearing on an HDTV on steroids. He could see every large pore on your nose, every wrinkle in your skin, and every bit of fat on your backside. In hope that hawks don’t see well at night, whatever would be done, would need to be done in a very, very dark place.
 
The Hulk:
Quiet and unassuming brilliant doctor by day. Hot green muscle machine at night? You think Bella had it rough? Sex with the Hulk would put that scrawny vampire to shame. Like if you survived it. 
 

In case you need anymore fuel for your Super Hero fantasies, you can see more photos of them shirtless here on MANday!!

Oh, and you probably wanted to know what I thought of the actual movie. It was sexy, action packed, and fun, but I was a tad bored in places. So I’m not sure I want to see him again. I’d say he’ll go down in the books as one great HOOKUP.

And for some great quote’s from this movie, check out this blog.

If you like stories about hot guys and happily ever after, check out my books, That Boy and the newly released, That Wedding.  

Just a reminder of how we rank movies here at Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos:

One Star = Walk of shame. I was in last night’s dress, carrying my shoes as I rushed off. I can’t believe I wasted my time on him and pray no one I know sees me.

Two Stars = Bad date. He didn’t really do anything wrong, we just didn’t have any chemistry. Maybe he just wasn’t my type. I probably won’t answer if he calls.

Three Stars =Hookup. We had a great night together. Don’t know if it will be more than that, but it was sure fun while it lasted.

Four Stars = Stalking him. What a night! We danced, we kissed. Now if I could just get him to call me.

Five Stars = Happily ever after. I love him! I want to marry him, have his babies, and live happily ever after.