It’s movie review day here at Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos. Today we’re seeing the movie, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
Here’s a movie trailer that includes a pretty song and most of the story line.
The Verdict: Take some knowledge of Civil War and equal rights history, some computer graphic fight scenes, vampires with way more than the typical two fangs, and Abraham Lincoln, toss them all together and this movie is what you get.
The history side of it, honestly, I thought was pretty creative. To be able to take history that we know happened and rewrite it in a version involving the Civil War being fought for freedom from a vampire colony was pretty freaking cool. I mean even though parts of the movie are so computer animated that are unbelievable, the plot itself is believable. (Like assuming you believe in vampires and all.) How they wove the story of vampires into Abraham Lincoln’s life was good, and I now think he was pretty much a badass.
Surprisingly, if the computer animated graphics wouldn’t have made what was happening so utterly unbelievable, I could have probably been talked into this version of history. The story was compelling. I kept racking my brain for all the Civil War history I could remember from school, because I wanted — no, I needed — to know how this was going to play out.
So I met this guy. He was tall, kinda cute, and had an air of mystery about it. He often had his nose stuck in a book studying to become a lawyer. I fell for him right away, and we were instantly a couple. But then I realized that many nights when I went to sleep, he was sneaking out. When I confronted him, he told me some crazy story about him fighting Vampires. I was like, Yeah, right. I’ve seen both Twilight and your skinny chest, dude. No way are you strong enough for that. When I asked if that was his story and if he was sticking to it, he swore it was true. He even gave me some bullshit line about how his friends call him “honest Abe.” I totally knew he was sneaking down the local pub, drinking, playing cards, and flirting with the floozies. I’d had enough. No way could I spend the rest of my life like that. Although we had a relationship, and he was a lot more to me than just a hookup, I wasn’t really upset to see him go.
Just a reminder of how we rank movies here at Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos:
One Star = Walk of shame. I was in last night’s dress, carrying my shoes as I rushed off. I can’t believe I wasted my time on him and pray no one I know sees me.
Two Stars = Bad date. He didn’t really do anything wrong, we just didn’t have any chemistry. Maybe he just wasn’t my type. I probably won’t answer if he calls.
Three Stars =Hookup. We had a great night together. Don’t know if it will be more than that, but it was sure fun while it lasted.
Four Stars = Stalking him. What a night! We danced, we kissed. Now if I could just get him to call me.
Five Stars = Happily ever after. I love him! I want to marry him, have his babies, and live happily ever after.