Bayard – Lamb Presidential Campaign Tour Stop

 
 
I’m thrilled today to have Presidential Candidate, Piper Bayard and her “space-saving” Vice-Presidential Running Mate, Kristen Lamb here at Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos!
 
I’ve had a ball following their no-nonsence campaign. Their campaign slogan is Finally, A Pair in the White House. (Get it?)  
 
Before you read this interview, you might want to find out more about their campaign. This article is about Piper’s decision to run, and I’m in love with their Granny Health Care Plan. I wish all politicians were so practical!
Also want to give Piper and Kristen a big thank you letting us be part of their tour!!
 
The pair kicked off their tour at Jenny Hansen’s blog. One of my favorite questions was this….
What sort of Undies does The Pair favor?
We’re working with Spanx to develop the new Patriot Panties. They are a lacy hybrid of Granny Panties and Thunderwear, inscribed with the Declaration of Independence. They will have no room for a puppeteer’s hand to go up your back, and they are guaranteed to make all women’s butts look like Brooklyn Decker’s in the TSA scanners.That question led to my first question.
 
We know about undies, but what will you wear over them? Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton, not mention the President, spend big bucks on their wardrobes. How will you handle this issue?
Why would we need different clothes? We don’t want to change our outfits. Kristen wears an apron and yoga pants, and Piper walks around in her gym clothes all day. The mess this country is in, we think these clothes are appropriate for the clean up job we will need to do. If we’re meeting with foreign dignitaries we will change into pajama jeans with flats.
The reason the whole world thinks we’re so damn rich and they keep asking for handouts is because people keep dressing too nice for these meetings. If we show up in our scrunchies and stretchy pants and hit them up for coffee money, they may actually start solving their own damn problems.
Caveat: Anyone in Hollywood who wants to bitch about our policies will have to first buy us some clothes. We won’t take their hand me downs, though, because like most Americans we are not size 0.
 
How about State Dinners? We know it’s important to entertain at the White House, but with your reform, we think you would handle this differently. How would entertaining at the White House change when you are in office?
As mistresses of bitter sarcasm, entertainment at State Dinners will consist of roasting our guests. We know they can take a joke because, after all, they keep sending representatives to the UN.
 
I saw that you were not planning on redecorating the White House, what will you do with all that extra room?
We will make it an indoor shooting range.
 
We know that Airforce One is a necessity to keep the President safe when he is traveling, but we also know it must be very expensive. Will you use AirForce One?
Yes. Because it’s still cheaper than custom-made charter buses.

I noticed that you will fill the rest of your Cabinet positions with reality TV stars. We think this is brilliant. For the first time, most Americans would know the names of the cabinet members. We’d love to know who you would pick for a few of those positions. And can we request some great abs?
Actually, we know of some women with great abs, but with no moral compasses or brain cells intact. (Their names rhyme with Car-trash-ian.) We’ve come to the conclusion that too much exercise kills brain cells. So while we appreciate a well-formed physique, we would not fill any cabinet positions based on that criterion alone.
(editor’s note: we meant abs on guys 🙂 and we might suggest Joe Manganiello, winner of our abs contest somewhere in your cabinet.)
 
Also wondered about your big inauguration. Will it be a fancy black tie affair? Will you open up the White House lawn for tailgating when you win? Would you consider having the inauguration live so that voters all across our great country could tailgate, while watching it?
We’re not just going to have a live tailgate on the White House lawn, we’re going to have a Punkin’ Chunkin’ and let Congress catch.
 
Some harder hitting questions. I know Piper is a proponent of gun rights. What about things like legalizing marijuana to help get the country out of debt?
Considering the fact that this nation is facing an obesity crisis, legalizing a drug that will have them eating ice cream from the carton with no utensils and coming up with new ways to use a Fry Daddy at 2 a.m. might be a bad idea. We will table that discussion until at least 85% of the population regains a healthy Body Mass Index.
 
How do you feel about lowering the drinking age to 18?Many college campuses are for this. Do you feel our 18-21 year old soldiers should have the right to drink?
We would not make age-dependent drinking laws. Anyone with a military I.D. gets to drink. If you’re willing to die for your country, you get a beer if you want it. Anyone without a military I.D. must prove they are no longer living in their mother’s basement and that any and all child support payments are current before they are allowed alcoholic beverages of any kind.
 
I also wanted to share with you a grassroots movement on twitter to try and get June 29th, 2012 set as a National Holiday. The movie Magic Mike is premiering. There is a group of us that are planning to go to the Orlando area to meet and see this movie together. If you need a tour stop in 2012, why not see Magic Mike with us near the Magic Kingdom??
 
 
Sounds like a road trip! Would you like to babysit our children while we see that? By the way, our husbands say they get to go to dinner at Hooters to balance out the objectification.
 
We want to thank Jillian for hosting our Campaign Blog Tour Stop today. It’s been an honor.
 
If you would like to host the Foxie with Moxie Pair during their Campaign Blog Tour, please contact Piper atpiperbayard@yahoo.com.
 
We thank you for your support in helping us restore some sense to government.