It’s movie review day here at Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos. This week’s openers were kinda weak overall, so I had a hard time chosing which movie to see. Based on the few reviews out there so far, none seemed like stellar options. There’s Apollo 18, which looks like Paranormal Activity on the moon. Then there’s The Debt. I love a good spy movie like Bourne, but then I read a lot of mixed reviews. One that hated the ending. I hate when I spend time at a movie and it ends badly. Then there’s Shark Night. Yes, I’m going to see Shark Night 3D, and I fully expect that it will be rated a Walk of Shame, as I’m sorta embarrassed to even be walking in the door. I’ll use the automated ticket booth, then pretend like I’m walking into a theater to see something a little more highbrow, like The Help, and then I’ll quick veer into the Shark Night theater. I’m so tricky.

So here’s the trailer.

The Verdict: I went into this movie expecting it to be bad. Like really bad. So maybe because my expectations were so low, it ended up being not so bad. The movie had a decent plot, and there was a twist that I didn’t expect. There was a beautiful, but hurt, young girl with a tragic past. The guy who was supposed to be a nerd, but was way too buff, who you know will probably save the day. And everyone else, well, you can probably assume that they’re just shark bait. And being shark bait is a scary thing.

Truthfully, I kinda thought that I’d be cheering for the sharks. Like, Go shark!! Eat someone else quick, so we can just be done already! But it really wasn’t that bad. I didn’t cheer for the sharks because the bad guy was more evil than I thought. And then there was the dog.

The dog was playing fetch in the shark water at the beginning of the movie, and I SWORE if the dog got attacked, I was taking my popcorn, walking out, and demanding a refund. Thankfully, the dog survives the movie, unscathed. I will tell you that now because I worried about the dog the whole freaking movie. Please don’t kill the dog, please don’t kill the dog.

Okay, so did I really care if the shark kills everyone else? Um, yes and no. I felt really bad for the football player that just gets injured. He seemed like a good guy. He did something that I thought was very brave, but it was a false victory, and you find out that he risked his life in vain. But then he did something stupidly romantic. I wanted to scream to him, No, no, you’ll find another girl, even if you only have one arm. Seriously, have you seen your muscles and how cute you are? Plus, you’re like a really sweet and nice guy. I SWEAR, there will be someone out there to take care of you, like, um, me. My talk with him didn’t seem to matter, still, I feel better knowing I tried.

That being said, you wanna know how I rank this movie, right? I’m gonna have to go with the Hookup. Yeah, really. What can I say? It happens sometimes. I got a little drunk and went home with him. I knew I shouldn’t. I really did. He was totally not my type. He had these nerdy glasses and a shirt that looked like his mother bought it for him four years ago. But when we got back to his place, and I ripped off his shirt, and he took off his glasses, I was like DAMN, nerd boy had a BODY!!! So yeah, I don’t want to give out too many details, but the night ended up WAY better than I expected. I might answer when he calls, I mean he is studying to be a doctor.

Also, this is one of those campy movies you could really have some fun with. Here’s an idea. Make up some Shark Death Tic Tac Toe boards. Have everyone going make their own by mixing up the names. Mark the character’s names off as they die. First one to get three in a row, gets dibs on the nerd!!

Then when the movie comes out on DVD, go buy it and throw a party! In case you didn’t already know it, we’re big Husker football fans here at Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos. We’ve got a tradition of doing a Hot Damn shot every time the Huskers score. I was sitting in the theater thinking that would be fun to do with this movie.

Here’s my TO DO list:

1. Buy the DVD.

2. Buy a very large bottle of HOT DAMN schnapps. (It’s red and sorta resembles blood, so it fits the theme and is super yummy.) If I want to go crazy and serve food, I might buy some goldfish crackers too.

3. Invite a bunch of friends to watch the movie.

4. Cheer for the sharks! Or whoever.

5. Every time a shark kills someone, do a shot.

Just a reminder of how we rank movies here at Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos:

One Star = Walk of shame. I was in last night’s dress, carrying my shoes as I rushed off. I can’t believe I wasted my time on him and pray no one I know sees me. Two Stars = Bad date. He didn’t really do anything wrong, we just didn’t have any chemistry. Maybe he just wasn’t my type. I probably won’t answer if he calls. Three Stars = Hookup. We had a great night together. Don’t know if it will be more than that, but it was sure fun while it lasted. Four Stars = Stalking him. What a night! We danced, we kissed. Now if I could just get him to call me. Five Stars = Happily ever after. I love him! I want to marry him, have his babies, and live happily ever after.

Always remember to drink responsibly.